Being a mommy is probably the best gig on the planet.
Sometimes, it is also the worst. I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone’s, but I
have learned a few important lessons on this roller coaster ride called
motherhood.
1.
Let go of expecting perfection.
We mommies all start this journey with a
picture in our dreamy heads of warm snuggles and beautiful moments of pure
peaceful tranquility. Then reality hits, and you start to realize that the
house will never be completely clean again all at once. When I let go of being the perfect mom, and
tried to just be a good mom, I started enjoying my new role much more. Meals do
not have to be pinterest-worthy, the house does not need to be spotless, and I
do not have to be back at pre-pregnancy weight in order for my child to know
that I love her.
2.
Resist the temptation to do it yourself.
Raising a kid is hard work. It is even harder
if you refuse to ask for help when you need a break or just a hand because
junior won’t quit squirming during a catastrophic diaper explosion. I have
learned that I am not supposed to be a mommy alone: I need my husband, my mom,
my mother-in-law, best girlfriend. . . The list goes on and on. I do a much
better job at this mom business when I ask for and accept the help around me—which
goes hand in hand with
3.
Realize it can’t be your way all the time.
When you accept help from others, you must
give your helpers the freedom to use their judgment with your child. This is NOT easy, and of course, nobody is
asking you to let go of your God-given rights as your child’s mother. But when
you refuse to let Dad change diapers his way, or play with baby in his special
way, and when you micro-manage every detail of junior’s life, you cripple the
amazing resources you have been given. Also, every once in a while, the nursery
will forget to feed or change your kid and you just have to let that go,
remembering that your kid is alive and the nursery worker is human, too J
4.
Kids do not remember their first birthday party.
Give yourself permission to just make sure
your adorable one year old is enjoying himself, and resist the urge to create
the most magical birthday party complete with designer decorations. Invite the
important people over and when that kid finally discovers his first birthday
cake, those pictures are the only ones you’ll cherish in the years to come.
5.
Baby is not the center of the universe.
If you make baby your only focus, your family
and community will suffer. You will suffer! It is totally normal to be all
about your infant the first six to eight weeks, but you do need to rejoin
society for you and baby’s benefit. Also, catering to every whim of an eight
month old sets the stage for a belligerent toddler. I have learned that I am
the adult, and I have to set the boundaries for my child; she does not have the
wisdom or experience to make them for herself yet. The earlier my baby girl
realizes that she does not get to control everyone around her, the better she
will weather the storms she will face as she grows.
6.
Comparison motherhood is not healthy or helpful
for anyone.
You do not need anyone’s approval to decide
what is best for your child. Breastfeeding or not, vaccinations or not,
co-sleeping or not is up to YOU. Decide what works best for you and refuse to
question your mothering methods because the latest expert or all your
girlfriends or your own mother has a “better idea.” Every woman is uniquely
designed and shaped by her circumstances and choices to be a totally different
person than any other mother on the planet—that means that she gets be a mommy
identical to no one else! And I think that is fabulous. What works in your
family may not work anywhere else in the world, but if it suits your little
castle, then don’t seek anyone else’s approval, and certainly don’t demean
others’ castle-tending methods!
7.
Time is a mommy’s most precious possession.
I have learned that my baby grows up
ridiculously fast. Every day is an adventure for her as her amazing little mind
absorbs life like a sponge—she learns and develops her skills at such an
incredible rate that some days, I just stare at her in awe. I have realized
that playing silly games with her on the floor, blowing bubbles in the back
yard, putting the iPhone down to read Mr.
Brown Can Moo, Can You? for the zillionth time in a day is the best gift I
can give my princess. Dishes, grading my students’ homework, and “me time” can
wait till she is asleep because very soon, she will not toddle or scream with
laughter at bubbles, or shriek and run away from the vacuum cleaner. And while
I welcome the new memories we will make as she grows into girlhood, part of me
will mourn the passing of these baby years when she needs me so much. It really does not matter what we do, so long
as we do life together. This idea has become especially helpful to me as I am
expecting our second child: on the days I am just wiped out, snuggling with my
little girl watching Winnie the Pooh still counts as together time.
So you see, there is nothing earth-shattering or
life-changing in these lessons I’ve learned, but they can all be summed up by
saying that motherhood has changed me. Being a mom shows me my limits and
challenges my decision-making capabilities on a daily basis. Motherhood shows me
the selflessness of my own mom, and on some days, teaches me what true
exhaustion really is. I can also testify that all that exhaustion is forgotten
when my little girl smiles up at me, her brown eyes sparkling with mischief and
fun. Being my baby’s mom is the most rewarding experience I have ever had—bar none
J
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