Priorities in Parenting

Some of you are teaching parents. What I mean is, you have children now, and you still teach outside of the home. I had to clarify because all parents are teachers whether they consider themselves to be or not. My mom and dad taught me many lessons about life without meaning to; I am sure they would rather not have taught me some of the subliminal lessons I learned from observing their marriage firsthand.

You see, unfortunately, my parents separated and later divorced when I was sixteen years old. One of the lessons they taught me, true or not, is that their love was not worth the effort to stay married. However it pains me to share their lack of commitment, I must say that their fractured relationship is simply modern America’s norm for marriages. We do not expect young couples to stay together: sooner or later, something will come up that is simply irreconcilable and they will part ways, along with their assets and spheres. Children of said marriages become pawns, abandoned, and confused.

Here’s where you and I come in. We are married and we have children (I have one adorable baby girl) and we work at a high-demand job. Our work doesn’t end at the 3 o’clock bell. We have emails to write, lessons to plan, papers and quizzes and tests to grade, and lessons to evaluate (how did that concept go over with the kids?). We are constantly thinking about our precious students on the drive home, sighing in disgust as we grade their papers, or squealing with delight when we tell our spouses how they “got it.” (Ok, I squeal: maybe you don’t.) The point is, if we are not careful, we may teach our children that Mommy’s work outside the home is not as important as family life.

May I encourage you to commit to your spouse first? Even more important than spending quality time with our babies is the necessity of keeping the home fires burning. Make date night a priority. Put baby in the nursery when you go to church or formal functions so you can focus on each other. Schedule times of reprieve with your mate because if you don’t, the weeks will stack up. My husband and I have recently rediscovered the simple pleasure of taking a walk through the neighborhood. The fresh air helps us have fresh conversation. If you make your marriage priority number one, you will teach your children that the vows that you made to each other before they were born really mean something. You will teach them to consider the vows that they will make as grown children to be binding and worth investing in.

Finally, when you have the choice between playing with your kids and doing some prep work, play with your kids. While spouses and children will be understanding (I hope) at the end of a quarter/semester/year, they should not always expect to take the back seat to your job. Either you will stay up late after the munchkins have gone to bed, or you will reorganize the efficiency your time at school, or both.

Intentionally teach your babies (or your future babies!) the most important lessons about mommies and daddies: they need time together, they truly care about each other, and their love is worth hard work and personal sacrifices.

I could go on but my husband just woke up for the first time on this Saturday morning and I believe I hear my little girl waking up for the second time. Time to play!

Bekah  

Defenseless Criticism

Readers, I hope you will forgive the absence of material on this blog. The end of the school year, the passing of my dear grandmother, and the hilarious antics of my sweet baby have all prevented me from actually sitting down to type up my thoughts. I have, however, been writing several blogs in my head over the past few weeks, so here comes the deluge!

Have you ever felt the sweet relief that comes from a good rant? Maybe you have the enormous blessing of a patient spouse like I do. He calmly endures my boisterous ravings, interjects helpful sympathetic murmurs, and still believes I’m a genuinely nice person once I’ve exhausted my wrath with sometimes vicious and often stuttering rhetoric.

Ranting, to a completely disinterested party in private conversation, can actually be a healthy way to deal with stress. Unfortunately, in this age of technology, public ranting is now officially in vogue. Don’t get me wrong: I love a good political call to action or a preacher’s fearless denunciation of evil, but hiding behind the podium of a keyboard presents certain problems.

People are much braver on the computer than they are face-to-face. That is the truth. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of an angry parent email then you know what I am talking about. Friends, we will type words we would never say out loud because we do not have to watch our bitter words destroy the person in front of us. We don’t have to see the physical tears or hurt or frustration flooding to our listeners’ faces as we pour out our angry vitriol. Best of all, the listener is defenseless. He cannot immediately retaliate while we are speaking, so we can blissfully finish our rant uninterrupted and uncontested.

So, fellow educator, what should we do when we are electronically ranted against? The urge to retaliate in like manner is almost impossible to deny. If you love words like I do, a sarcastic and defensive reply leaps unbidden to the front of your mind. You didn’t even have to think hard about your wording—it came without the need of a muse. So write it out. Fill that email with the ardor of your hurt and misunderstood heart. Then, take a deep breath and press “delete.”

A wise person once told me that in every piece of criticism, there is a nugget of truth. Some sliver of the accusation rings true because perception is reality. Of course, this does not mean we should kowtow to every parent, coworker, or even boss who criticizes us. It means that we have been given a gift: the gift of opportunity. Here is an opportunity for me to spend moments in self-reflection. Is there a mannerism or habit I have that helped this person believe (you fill in the blank) _______ about me?  What part of this rant about me is actually true or founded in truth? I wonder how they arrived at this conclusion? Again, we are not going to question everything we have ever done around this person, but we are going to take a closer look.

Criticism will come. If we ignore it, we are doomed to repeat the same actions that cause negative reactions; plus, ignoring all criticism eventually leads to refusing to change. Refusing change is very closely related to resisting improvement, and resisting improvement results in an ineffective teacher. Effective teachers learn and adjust to their students while ineffective teachers stick to their guns and stubbornly try to force students into an ill-fitting mold.

Don’t be that teacher. Embrace criticism and use it as a tool to improve yourself as a person. Spit out the lies and nasty insinuations and do not deign to lower yourself to retaliation.

Summer break is upon us, comrades! Enjoy the fruit of your labors and release the negative comments you’ve had to patiently swallow all school year long. Forgive the foolish, and resolve to be an even more amazing teacher in the fall. That is my plan—that, and soaking up some sun J

-Bekah