Defenseless Criticism

Readers, I hope you will forgive the absence of material on this blog. The end of the school year, the passing of my dear grandmother, and the hilarious antics of my sweet baby have all prevented me from actually sitting down to type up my thoughts. I have, however, been writing several blogs in my head over the past few weeks, so here comes the deluge!

Have you ever felt the sweet relief that comes from a good rant? Maybe you have the enormous blessing of a patient spouse like I do. He calmly endures my boisterous ravings, interjects helpful sympathetic murmurs, and still believes I’m a genuinely nice person once I’ve exhausted my wrath with sometimes vicious and often stuttering rhetoric.

Ranting, to a completely disinterested party in private conversation, can actually be a healthy way to deal with stress. Unfortunately, in this age of technology, public ranting is now officially in vogue. Don’t get me wrong: I love a good political call to action or a preacher’s fearless denunciation of evil, but hiding behind the podium of a keyboard presents certain problems.

People are much braver on the computer than they are face-to-face. That is the truth. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of an angry parent email then you know what I am talking about. Friends, we will type words we would never say out loud because we do not have to watch our bitter words destroy the person in front of us. We don’t have to see the physical tears or hurt or frustration flooding to our listeners’ faces as we pour out our angry vitriol. Best of all, the listener is defenseless. He cannot immediately retaliate while we are speaking, so we can blissfully finish our rant uninterrupted and uncontested.

So, fellow educator, what should we do when we are electronically ranted against? The urge to retaliate in like manner is almost impossible to deny. If you love words like I do, a sarcastic and defensive reply leaps unbidden to the front of your mind. You didn’t even have to think hard about your wording—it came without the need of a muse. So write it out. Fill that email with the ardor of your hurt and misunderstood heart. Then, take a deep breath and press “delete.”

A wise person once told me that in every piece of criticism, there is a nugget of truth. Some sliver of the accusation rings true because perception is reality. Of course, this does not mean we should kowtow to every parent, coworker, or even boss who criticizes us. It means that we have been given a gift: the gift of opportunity. Here is an opportunity for me to spend moments in self-reflection. Is there a mannerism or habit I have that helped this person believe (you fill in the blank) _______ about me?  What part of this rant about me is actually true or founded in truth? I wonder how they arrived at this conclusion? Again, we are not going to question everything we have ever done around this person, but we are going to take a closer look.

Criticism will come. If we ignore it, we are doomed to repeat the same actions that cause negative reactions; plus, ignoring all criticism eventually leads to refusing to change. Refusing change is very closely related to resisting improvement, and resisting improvement results in an ineffective teacher. Effective teachers learn and adjust to their students while ineffective teachers stick to their guns and stubbornly try to force students into an ill-fitting mold.

Don’t be that teacher. Embrace criticism and use it as a tool to improve yourself as a person. Spit out the lies and nasty insinuations and do not deign to lower yourself to retaliation.

Summer break is upon us, comrades! Enjoy the fruit of your labors and release the negative comments you’ve had to patiently swallow all school year long. Forgive the foolish, and resolve to be an even more amazing teacher in the fall. That is my plan—that, and soaking up some sun J

-Bekah