What Women Want (to Wear)

I'm supposed to be folding laundry, organizing my desk, and working on an AP English course right now while my little monster is napping, but I scanned Facebook while I was eating my lunch and what I saw and read made me so angry I had to sit down and hash it out on the keyboard.

I read a blog post by a Christian woman called "My Husband Doesn't Need to See Your Boobs." Right away, the title let me know that I was in great company. I don't want my husband to see anybody's boobs except mine. The blog post reminded women that whatever their intention for posting pictures of their bikini bodies on Facebook or Instagram, those pictures make difficulties for marriages, specifically hers.

Ok, here's what made me angry: in the comments section of the post, scores of women blasted this woman for being insecure and making women responsible for what men think.

Please bear with me as I attempt to communicate a little bit of truth into this hornet's nest.

1. Every outfit that a woman wears is motivated by something.
When we want to be comfortable, we wear sweats. When we want to be intimidating, we wear a suit.
When we want to look attractive, we make sure everything we put on highlights our best features and minimizes our flaws.

When we want to look sexy, we show skin. Period.

Women who show skin want a particular man or men in general to find them sexually attractive.

2. A woman want who wants one man to find her sexually attractive is not necessarily wrong. 
I want my husband to find me sexually attractive, but I don't want anyone else to think I am sexy. I don't want my pastor, or my male students, or my friends' husbands, or strangers, or ANYONE ELSE to do a double-take when I walk by and think to himself, "DANG! She's hot!"

Of course, I am tempted to want that kind of reaction, but I don't really want it because the only one I want to have sex with is my husband. You had better not want to have sex with him. And I had better not want to have sex with anyone else because I promised him and God that I would only belong to him till death do us part. Maybe you think I'm being a bit crude here, but let's not forget why these skimpy outfits and bikinis are for sale--they get a reaction for the wearer. Which brings me to my next truth that

3. Sexy outfits are designed to make men think about sex. I realize that sounds a bit repetitive, but I am making the point that women can't walk around half-dressed and expect men to keep their minds off of sex. It simply will not happen. Men are visually stimulated-a scientifically proven fact-so a woman wearing a low-cut tank paired with Daisy Duke shorts WILL encourage him to think about her naked.

Why else do brand new wives put on all that uncomfortable lacy stuff during the honeymoon? Because the newly-married couple is going to have lots of sex, and brides KNOW that that lacy stuff gets her hubby going. (Do I need to repeat that she also wants her groom to find her irresistibly sexually attractive???)

4. What women want matters more than what they actually wear. This is the bottom line: if a woman wants to help men see her as a person, a female, a fellow worker, a platonic friend, a Christian sister, she will wear clothes that help him from thinking about her naked. If a woman wants to help men find her body visually stimulating, she will wear (or not wear!) clothes that help him to think about her naked. That is the hard, human truth.

Sure, tons of girls will swear innocence, and beg that they had no idea that their next-to-naked bodies were encouraging the men in their lives to think sexual thoughts about them, but who are we really kidding? Girls are not stupid, and even if they are motivated by negative circumstances to crave male attention whether positive or negative, they KNOW in their heart of hearts that sexy outfits cause men to think about sex.

5. Men and women are responsible for mens' thoughts. All of you women who are about to freak out on me just STOP. If you dress in such a way as to encourage men to think about sex, how can you say that thinking about sex was completely his idea?

If you are on a diet, and I offer you my fries, are you not, in fact, thinking about how delicious those fries will taste, regardless of whether you take me up on my offer or not? Didn't I INTRODUCE the thought of eating those fatty fries? Didn't I, in fact, TEMPT you to ditch your diet for just a few minutes for a couple harmless fries?

Even so, if you INTRODUCE the idea of sex in a man's mind through your provocative attire, you have played a part in TEMPTING him to go farther in his mind. Though he is still responsible for what he does with your invitation to dwell on sexual thoughts, you must not deny that YOU STARTED IT. Now, at this point, he CAN decide to quickly start thinking about his grandma, cuddly bunnies, or anything else to get his mind and body to REJECT that sexual impulse because that is his responsibility.

Wouldn't it be a lot easier on both of the genders if we women could stop and check our motivation for wearing something? If we could get past our selfish desires to be noticed and found appealing by men who do not belong to us, perhaps we could help our gentlemen friends out.

Perhaps, we could put sex back where it belongs: in the bedroom with a husband and his wife.

Now, to hurry and get my chores done before my favorite tornado wakes up!

Confounding the Mighty: Why Weakness is a Good Thing

Our culture tends to look at weakness as a negative trait. We do not respect those who appear weak; rather, we usually despise or pity them.

God begs to differ.

I read this morning that He uses the foolishness of preaching to save souls, and He uses the weak to confound the mighty. And that got me thinking.

Why do we cheer so heartily for an underdog? Why do we swell with pride when a special-needs child achieves some milestone? Why do we love it when the 'little man" shows up the jock?

Because it is beautiful when weakness wins. Weak people are supposed to lose, be last, and take whatever the strong people leave for them. Weak people are not expected to do anything awesome or exemplary because they are barely expected to survive.

But God has different ideas.

He CHOOSES weak people. He finds the unlikeliest and least promising people to turn the world upside down because He enjoys amazing strong people with what He can do through the weakest individuals.

So, if you find yourself weak today, or tomorrow, or you face a giant hurdle of weakness some day in the future, take quiet pleasure in the fact that, quite possibly, God is about to bring people to their knees because of how you handle the said weakness.

You can fight the weakness, or you can let Him have it. You can try to overcome your weakness by yourself, or you can simply admit that the situation, whatever you are facing, is too big for you to handle. In other words, you can choose to be a vessel that will confound the mighty. You can decide that God knows what He is doing, and even though it hurts, and it's not fair, and it's too much to deal with, He is going make something amazing happen with your piddly little weak self.

Why does God do this confounding of the mighty with weak people? He intends to remind humans that He can always do the impossible with whomever He chooses. Why else did God call a speech-impaired shepherd to lead millions of Jews out of Egyptian slavery to Canaan? How else does a harlot show up in Christ's lineage? Why in the world did He choose hotheaded fishermen, lowly publicans, and a bunch of women to spread the Gospel after His resurrection?

Because God can do anything with anyone. When He uses weak people to great things, He gets ALL the glory. Basically, He is showing us, once again, how incredibly BIG He really is.

So carry on, warriors of weakness! You are not alone.

For, in Christ, when we are weak, we are very strong.

My Favorite Job in the Whole World

Being a mommy is probably the best gig on the planet. Sometimes, it is also the worst. I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone’s, but I have learned a few important lessons on this roller coaster ride called motherhood.

1.     Let go of expecting perfection.

We mommies all start this journey with a picture in our dreamy heads of warm snuggles and beautiful moments of pure peaceful tranquility. Then reality hits, and you start to realize that the house will never be completely clean again all at once.  When I let go of being the perfect mom, and tried to just be a good mom, I started enjoying my new role much more. Meals do not have to be pinterest-worthy, the house does not need to be spotless, and I do not have to be back at pre-pregnancy weight in order for my child to know that I love her.

2.     Resist the temptation to do it yourself.

Raising a kid is hard work. It is even harder if you refuse to ask for help when you need a break or just a hand because junior won’t quit squirming during a catastrophic diaper explosion. I have learned that I am not supposed to be a mommy alone: I need my husband, my mom, my mother-in-law, best girlfriend. . . The list goes on and on. I do a much better job at this mom business when I ask for and accept the help around me—which goes hand in hand with

3.     Realize it can’t be your way all the time.

When you accept help from others, you must give your helpers the freedom to use their judgment with your child.  This is NOT easy, and of course, nobody is asking you to let go of your God-given rights as your child’s mother. But when you refuse to let Dad change diapers his way, or play with baby in his special way, and when you micro-manage every detail of junior’s life, you cripple the amazing resources you have been given. Also, every once in a while, the nursery will forget to feed or change your kid and you just have to let that go, remembering that your kid is alive and the nursery worker is human, too J

4.     Kids do not remember their first birthday party.

Give yourself permission to just make sure your adorable one year old is enjoying himself, and resist the urge to create the most magical birthday party complete with designer decorations. Invite the important people over and when that kid finally discovers his first birthday cake, those pictures are the only ones you’ll cherish in the years to come.

5.     Baby is not the center of the universe.

If you make baby your only focus, your family and community will suffer. You will suffer! It is totally normal to be all about your infant the first six to eight weeks, but you do need to rejoin society for you and baby’s benefit. Also, catering to every whim of an eight month old sets the stage for a belligerent toddler. I have learned that I am the adult, and I have to set the boundaries for my child; she does not have the wisdom or experience to make them for herself yet. The earlier my baby girl realizes that she does not get to control everyone around her, the better she will weather the storms she will face as she grows.

6.     Comparison motherhood is not healthy or helpful for anyone.

You do not need anyone’s approval to decide what is best for your child. Breastfeeding or not, vaccinations or not, co-sleeping or not is up to YOU. Decide what works best for you and refuse to question your mothering methods because the latest expert or all your girlfriends or your own mother has a “better idea.” Every woman is uniquely designed and shaped by her circumstances and choices to be a totally different person than any other mother on the planet—that means that she gets be a mommy identical to no one else! And I think that is fabulous. What works in your family may not work anywhere else in the world, but if it suits your little castle, then don’t seek anyone else’s approval, and certainly don’t demean others’ castle-tending methods!

7.     Time is a mommy’s most precious possession.

I have learned that my baby grows up ridiculously fast. Every day is an adventure for her as her amazing little mind absorbs life like a sponge—she learns and develops her skills at such an incredible rate that some days, I just stare at her in awe. I have realized that playing silly games with her on the floor, blowing bubbles in the back yard, putting the iPhone down to read Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You? for the zillionth time in a day is the best gift I can give my princess. Dishes, grading my students’ homework, and “me time” can wait till she is asleep because very soon, she will not toddle or scream with laughter at bubbles, or shriek and run away from the vacuum cleaner. And while I welcome the new memories we will make as she grows into girlhood, part of me will mourn the passing of these baby years when she needs me so much.  It really does not matter what we do, so long as we do life together. This idea has become especially helpful to me as I am expecting our second child: on the days I am just wiped out, snuggling with my little girl watching Winnie the Pooh still counts as together time.

So you see, there is nothing earth-shattering or life-changing in these lessons I’ve learned, but they can all be summed up by saying that motherhood has changed me. Being a mom shows me my limits and challenges my decision-making capabilities on a daily basis. Motherhood shows me the selflessness of my own mom, and on some days, teaches me what true exhaustion really is. I can also testify that all that exhaustion is forgotten when my little girl smiles up at me, her brown eyes sparkling with mischief and fun. Being my baby’s mom is the most rewarding experience I have ever had—bar none J

It Doesn't Matter Where You Go To College

In all the recent hubbub of rising college tuition and rumors of government loan forgiveness, I took a moment to think about why students choose the colleges they do. Parents may have their own agenda, wishing Junior to attend their alma mater, or finances may dictate a community college to avoid a mountain of student loan debt. Students themselves fall into two main camps: the one-straight-and-narrow-school of choice and the I-have-no-idea-how-do-I-choose? camp. Some students choose their school based on the colors!

And I do understand that college is a big deal. If college is where people find themselves and make decisions that will shape their future, shouldn't where you go to college be of paramount importance? After all, do not most people find their mates on college campuses?

Unfortunately, I know many students and parents who choose schools for prestige, placement, and convenience instead of really evaluating the college's professors.

I believe that the place of education is not nearly as important as the people of a school. I did not attend a top-ranked school by national standards, nor did my alma mater win awards for breakthrough studies or literary publications. You see, I am not a good teacher because I use the greatest methods, have the perfect philosophy of education,  or implement the trendiest technology.

I teach well because I had good teachers.

The best methods do not inspire young people to go deeper into the course material. The most advanced technology will not encourage students to ask hard questions and ferret out their answers. Strong philosophy often produces the most boring and misunderstood teachers on college campuses!

Good college professors enabled me to find solutions to classroom issues and other sticky situations by being themselves and teaching by example. I watched them handle late work with consequences sometimes and grace other times, which taught me to always hear the student out, even if it seems like a waste of time. I listened to my teachers illuminate a literary text with a silly example or a tear-inducing personal story; consequently, I learned the value of making lessons relevant and interesting. I also learned to allow tardy students to enter my classroom with dignity when I saw my kindly college professor pretend not to notice the tear-streaked girl who entered his lecture after it was nearly over.

The truth is, a place does not guide, mold, and make a person better. Environment affects human development, to be sure, but one's college campus will never have the power of influence that teachers hold over their pupils. Good college professors challenge and inspire their students to change the world in their respective fields, while poor college professors practice hypocrisy, ramble on about nothing, test what they do not teach, and generally produce frustrated and often incompetent graduates. When overpaid and under-qualified professors "teach," the job market must require advanced degrees to gain proficient employees.

With the number of college graduates who cannot find work in their degree's field, the backward nature the American system of education emerges. Young people cram their high school transcripts with impressive GPAs, stellar extra-curricular involvement, and Honors/AP classes so they can incur incredible debt to go to the "best" school, and are frustrated beyond belief when they graduate and cannot get their dream job. Even more prevalent are the students who drop out of a college (or change to an "easier" major) because they could not understand its professors or their demands; these disillusioned folks slug their way from job to job trying to find out what it is they are supposed to do with their lives now.

My suggestion is this: when looking at colleges, inspect the teachers. Do they have degrees in their fields? Are they passionate about their subjects? Do freshman teachers care as much about their subject matter as professors who teach junior and senior classes? How do they behave toward the students? Are they respectful or disdainful? Do they burden students with too much work that has little course value, or do they challenge students with assignments that will make them think and grow in their field? The answers to these questions will help you decide if the teachers will help you or hinder you on your journey through higher education.

I had some life-changing professors, and a few I'd like to forget, but I believe my success in teaching high school so far is attributed to the strength of my teachers.

It doesn't really matter where you go to college so much as who teaches you at college.

May you be taught well.

Rebekah Hawk